Things that piss me off

There must be like a million gym rants on the internet but I'm gonna go ahead and add another to the list. I usually moan in short bursts over facebook but in order to put an end to that, I'll list them here. So here goes, things that piss me off in the gym:

Gloves

Simple stuff really. You're basically saying 'I'm here to work hard, but I don't want to hurt my handies'. And don't give me excuses like extra grip, cos it doesn't help in the slightest. Proper grip comes from your hands; They're made for that shit. If they happen to get sweaty, use some chalk, you'll be absolutely amazed at how well your natural grip is without wet palms. It's also a hell of a lot cheaper and will last forever. One £6 bag will last about 5+ years, longer than that pair of Gold's Gym fingerless douchebag beacons you're sporting. Below is some science to help demonstrate my point.

Spotting

Now obviously spotting is fantastic and keeps you from choking yourself to death on your 1RM attempt etc, but you don't bloody well need a spotter for a bicep curl ...Machine. Honestly that entire title makes me want to fist someone in the face. But yeah, anyway, that does not require a spotter in the slightest. It's a sodding machine. It's designed for safety and a single user only. Sort it.

Another thing that gets on my tits is when the spotter does most of the lifting. I've seen people dumbbell press (yes, apparently the safe alternative to bench pressing also needs a spotter) and when the guy tries to press it, his mate pushes his elbows in and basically gives him the lift for free. And not only that, but they carry on going! So now rather than taking a break ready for another attempt by himself, they keep lifting this weight he failed with in first place with the spotter continuing to do more work than the guy doing the exercise himself. Seriously, FUCK. The spotter is there to stabilise and help rack the weight when you're struggling, not do the work for you.

'Bros'

Following on from those knobs are the bros. The guys who come in as a group, stand around a machine, share pictures on their phones and in total do about a 5th of the exercise the rest of us are doing between them. This is not a place to socialise, there's plenty more weights and machines all over the place, yet all five of you insist on queuing for the bicep curl machine (grrr...) making 'that's what she said' jokes and consequently hoping to score man points for a joke that's from the bloody 90s. You're loud, obnoxious and are taking up precious gym space people who actually give a damn could use.

If you look like the above, shoot yourselves to save the world from your idiotic offspring infesting my future.

Mirrors

The mirrors are there to check your form, not your abs. Stop staring at yourself, face sideways and get on with some sodding lifting you colossal faggot.

Arms

It's obvious why people train the upper body, and more specifically, the arms more than any other body part. It's the easiest and the most visible. When you're walking down a street, your manliness radiates in your skin tight shirt with your vascular bulging arms stuck on your 150lb frame. You genuinely look ridiculous. There are a fair few lads at the gym with enviously huge upper bodies but with hilariously scaled insect legs. It's up to you I guess, but if you want to get stronger, you've got to work the lower body just as much, if not more. Oh and you won't look like a tit.

Just lol.

Pretty sure that's a wrap of my list of things that piss me off. If I think of more at a later date I'll let you know. In fact I can already think of a load more. Sod it, it'll be in a later post no doubt.